Last night I saw a commercial on A&E that went (more or less) like this:
SCENE: Two college-age women are in a diner. Girl number one is reading a book as the other joins her.
Girl 2: "Is the book any good?"
Girl 1: (shrugs) "It's okay. Not too exciting. You read any good ones lately?"
Girl 2: (seriously) "Actually, yes." (Plunks down a copy of The Book of Mormon in front of her friend.)
Girl 1: (obviously a chowderhead) "What's this?"
Girl 2: "You've read the Bible, right?" (friend nods) "Well, this is a companion to it. It's another testimony of Jesus Christ."
Girl 1: "Really? Tell me more."
Girl 2: (warm fuzzies all over her face) "It's changed my life. When I read it, things make more sense. Life has more meaning. I feel better as a person. I'm nicer to others. My teeth seem whiter. And my breasts become perkier."
Or something like that, anyway. I may have mis-remembered a line or two.
At any rate, it was smarmy and superficial and left me wondering just how stupid the LDS church expects viewers to be. Of course, the more I thought about how many people in this country voted for Dubya Bush, the more I realized the church might not be as naïve as I thought.
Still, it got me to wondering. Since a large portion of the public will believe anything they see on television, maybe they'd believe The Truth if they saw it on the boob tube, too. So long as it's presented in an appealing way.
So I've re-written the above commercial. Here's my version of it. (Keep in mind, it's just a draft.)
Same scenario: two girls in a diner. Girl number two sits down.
Girl 2: "Is the book any good?"
Girl 1: (shrugs) "It's okay. Not too exciting. You read any good ones lately?"
Girl 2: (animatedly) "I sure have!" (Plunks down a copy of The Book of Mormon in front of her friend.)
Girl 1: (surprised) "You're a Mormon?"
Girl 2: (laughs) "No! I'm reading this for my Psych class as an example of how people will swallow anything that sounds appealing to them, no matter the source."
Girl 1: "What do you mean?"
Girl 2: "Joseph Smith was a known con man of the time. He was even imprisoned for swindling others out of their money."
Girl 1: "How'd he do that?"
Girl 2: "He'd promise folks that he could guide them, with God's help, to buried treasure. They'd pay him money, and he'd tell them where to dig. God, he said, told him the money was there. Naturally, they'd dig and find no money. His response was to tell them they needed to dig deeper and have stronger faith in his abilities. Eventually, enough people complained to the authorities, and he was nailed."
Girl 1: "What an idiot."
Girl 2: "No kidding. Anyway, he eventually fabricated this elaborate story about visions and gold plates (which no one but him ever saw). He even 'translated' some Egyptian writings, claiming they were writings of Abraham! In reality, they were ordinary funeral documents. But Smith snowed them all, and his religion grew."
Girl 1: (laughs) "Wait. You're telling me that the Mormon church is essentially founded by a liar? A con man?" (friend nods) "Geez. People are gullible."
I think that'd be a fun commercial to make. And of course, one could easily do the same thing with other religions. Scientology, for example:
Girl 1: (surprised) "You're a Scientologist?"
Girl 2: (laughs) "No! I'm reading this for my Psych class as an example of how people can be persuaded to believe anything, no matter how obviously untrue it is."
Girl 1: "What do you mean?"
Girl 2: "L. Ron Hubbard was a second-rate science fiction writer who decided there was more money to be made by establishing his own religion. He even said so, before he founded his church. Scientology is a weird mix of dangerous psychotherapy, simplistic, idiotic rules, and science-fiction silliness presented as truth."
Girl 1: "Really? That's bizarre."
Girl 2: "Well, what do you expect from a guy who claims that humans evolved from clams?"
From there, of course, we can go on to the heavy hitters. Like Christianity.
Girl 1: (surprised) "Don't tell me you've become 'born again.'"
Girl 2: (laughs) "No! I'm reading this for my Psych class as an example of how people can believe anything, no matter how little evidence there is to back it up."
Girl 1: "Um, what's that supposed to mean?"
Girl 2: "Well, there's no evidence that there was an historical Jesus. Outside the Gospels, there's virtually nothing to show that the man ever lived. And they were written decades after his alleged death. And look, Christianity is really based on the writings of Paul, and he wasn't even talking about a physical person, but a spiritual being based on Old Testament writings."
Girl 1: "What?"
Girl 2: "Really. Nowhere in the writings of Paul, which are earlier than the Gospels, is there any indication that Paul's talking about a man who once walked the earth."
Girl 1: "Really? Tell me more."
Girl 2: (smiles) "How long have you got?"
Okay, so maybe the public isn't ready for that last one, yet. But you never know.
Any producers out there interested in taking a whack at these, just drop me a line!
