For some silly reason, the majority of people in this country seem to find it necessary to say something like "God bless you" when someone sneezes. I've heard different stories as to how this came about, but it doesn't matter where it came from. As an atheist, I'm certainly not going to bless someone. When I sneeze, I excuse myself, just as I do when I cough.
But when I do say something, just for the fun of it, I'll say something like, "Really?" Or, "Absolutely!" Occasionally I'll say, "Gesundheit," but that seems a bit silly, too. I've contemplated making a set of numbered cards, so that I can rate peoples' sneezes. "Yeah! 8.5!" But carrying them around would be a drag.
Even more troublesome for me, though, is the religious swear words. Swearing is one of my few bad habits, you see. But as an atheist, I always feel pretty hypocritical when I say "God damn it," or "Jesus Christ!" So what alternatives are there?
"Gosh darn it" is just too lame for words. "Heck" for "hell" is similarly pathetic.
I've heard people say "Cheese and rice" instead of "Jesus Christ," but I just can't seem to bring myself to repeat that one. And I seem to have outgrown "Cripes," too, along with most of the other bizarre little syllables of my childhood.
"Good Lord" can be replaced by any number of things. "Good grief" or "Good gravy" are just a couple. But "good grief" strikes me as being a bit of an oxymoron and "good gravy" should be reserved for the dinner table.
Sure, I have my own silly expressions that drive people a little nuts. "Geezie peeps," for example. Or, "Golly gumbucks."
But nothing seems to ring as well in my ears as the old expletives. And it's just too ironic… When I was a Christian, I was condemned for blasphemy when I uttered them. Now, as an atheist, I'm a hypocrite.
It figures.
