I've already spoken about my depression and the therapy sessions I endured to treat it. One thing that came out of those sessions that I didn't mention before concerned anger. Specifically, my therapist told me that I had a lot of repressed anger inside me, and that if I weren't careful, one day it would be unleashed.
This wasn't exactly news to me. I'd always been somewhat aware of my anger. And I'd always been afraid that I'd end up venting it on someone. I used to have nightmares about it, in which I'd end up killing someone.
This isn't to say that I had a temper. I didn't. That might have been part of the problem. I never allowed my anger to surface. At least, not toward people. I kept it forced down inside myself, where it did nothing but stew.
Whenever I did take out my anger, it would be on inanimate objects. I recall an episode, many years later, when my car wouldn't start. (Cars and I have a long history of adversarial conflict.) I got so angry that I slammed the door, kicked the fenders, and hurled fallen apples at it. This rather freaked my then-fiancée, who had never seen an outburst of mine before.
I suppose anger therapy might have been called for, but I certainly didn't think so at any point. Nor could I have afforded it, anyway.
One theory of anger therapy supports the notion that one should actually vent the anger regularly. This is usually done on inanimate objects, though not normally Ford Escorts. I'm sure everyone has heard of such therapy. Sometimes it involves punching bags. Occasionally, it will involve other people as targets, both wearing special inflated gloves that won't cause harm.
Recently, however, long-term studies have shown that such therapies don't really have as good of results as previously believed. Rather than venting the anger and losing it, such therapy causes the anger to flow more easily. This comes as no surprise to me. I've never felt such therapy was based on a sound premise in the first place.
That's not to say that I thought my habit of repressing the anger was at all healthy. I knew that wasn't the case. I just didn't have any other solutions.
But today, it seems I've stumbled upon one that works quite well for me. It's a non-violent outlet that I never thought of as a type of anger therapy, but recently realized that it is. My method is activism.
Yes, I mean activism in the sense that you're thinking. Supporting a cause in different ways.
As an idealist, there is much in this world to cause me turmoil. I get worked up over things that I see as unjust, and want to change them.
This wasn't always the case, by the way. Throughout my school years, and pretty much through college as well, I was pretty apathetic. I simply didn't care. If things didn't affect me directly, I wasn't interested.
I look back on that attitude with a degree of shame, now. And I suppose you could say that I've swung to the opposite end of the spectrum. I went from apathy to anger to activism.
Today, I have a few select causes that I actively support. In Cardigan on Religion, I spoke of my atheism. And later I was the "guide" for The Mining Company's site on Agnosticism/Atheism for a while. Today I have The Atheist Attic and the Freethought Society of Northern Utah as outlets for my atheist activism. In Cardigan on Relationships, I spoke of polyamory. And today I have The Polyamory Awareness and Acceptance Ribbon Campaign as my outlet.
Online things aren't the only activist forums at my disposal, of course. There are groups to be involved with, letters to the editor to write… All sorts of things, really.
The point is that I've found a way to not only deal with my anger, but to do so in a constructive way. One which helps others, not only myself.
Today's society lends itself to anger. As I like to say, "If you're not outraged, you're not paying attention." Fortunately, our society also provides a multitude of forums for us to channel that anger into productive activity. I know that I feel more peaceful, having used my angry energies for good causes. Sure, I still get frustrated over things and occasionally swear at the computer… but having activist outlets seems to cause my brain to store up the anger until I'm ready to use it for something positive.
It's quite a relief, let me tell you. And if you're the type to store up your anger, or one who has a temper problem, consider activism for the cause of your choice. You might find it to be your answer, too.