Recently, I have received no fewer than three emails regarding a column on Respect that I wrote for another section of my site. All three wished for my more in-depth opinions on the nature of Respect. So here they are.
I will begin by saying that our society is notorious for being very vague with definitions of words in the English language. There are several words that have quite a broad range of definitions, and no words are more prone to this sort of thing than words which describe concepts. I once had a debate over the definition of Religion with a friend of mine. He insisted on using the broadest definition possible, which by his dictionary was "any strongly held system of beliefs." By that definition, I reasoned, his political views would comprise his religion.
This wide range of definitions can be problematic, and the term Respect is not immune to it. The American Heritage dictionary I happen to have at hand lists nine definitions, three for the verb, six for the noun. And there's a pretty big difference between them. Personally, I think common usage extends the differences even further, for I have heard the word used in ways not covered by any of the definitions.
On the one end of the spectrum, respect can mean little more than common courtesy. When you say you behaved respectfully toward someone, you generally mean that you were polite, considerate, and gracious. That's a far cry from the type of respect we reserve for someone or something that we hold in the highest regard, treating the respected thing or person with awe or reverence. And of course, any definition in between these two extremes can be just as valid.
The primary difference here is that the courteous form of respect is something that we should all give to each other as a matter of fact. There's nothing special about it. It should be given and maintained until there is reason not to. On the other hand, the deeper forms of respect should not be given lightly. Actually, they can't be given lightly. It's impossible. One doesn't just automatically have reverence for someone or something. Any claim to such is frivolous, the respect shallow. No, this kind of respect has to be earned.
One of the writers asked my opinion on what he referred to as the "death" of respect in our culture. I wasn't aware that this was considered as being the case, but let's assume that it is. Any decline in respect would most likely be caused by our inclinations to focus on individual details and blow them out of proportion. We all do it, I think, to one degree or another. I know I sometimes do. We tend to take one little thing, say... the President's sexual dalliance with someone other than his wife. And we exaggerate the importance of this, stating that the man is not fit to run our country... he's morally bankrupt. Ridiculous. Thomas Jefferson had a child out of wedlock. With a slave, in fact. What person could seriously say that this legendary President wasn't fit to be the leader of our nation? What I'm getting at is that we seem to be a society that delights in finding fault with others. I suspect this is because so few people are truly satisfied with themselves, but hey... I'm no psychologist.
Another factor may be what I perceive as a self-absorbment in our society. People don't seem to get to know each other as they used to. Even in our families. Parents don't know their kids very well, and vice versa. We've become more superficial, probably due to the pace of our lives and all the cool distractions we've got.
If we're too distracted or too apathetic to get to know someone very well, or too concerned with finding fault with them, how can we possibly form any kind of deep respect for them? Your guess is as good as mine.
Personally, I will grant courteous respect to anyone. This is the polite thing to do, and I certainly consider myself to be a polite person. Most of the time. But anything further than that must be earned. It's usually done in little steps, like the growth of love. But whether it is incremental or sudden, it is never given without considerable thought. Nor is it often lost very quickly once it is earned.